President Putin has called Donald Trump following tonight’s scenes of unrest at the Capitol building in Washington DC, offering to send military advisors, along with ground troops and air force support to help restore stability and thwart a “destabilizing coup attempt” by insurgents led by Joseph Biden.

“Seeing patriots be brutalised by the Russophobic forces of the US Deep State simply for defending their leader and for opposing regime change is deeply, deeply disturbing for me,” Putin said. White House aides reported that the Russian leader was so overcome by emotion that he appeared to be struggling to speak at some points in the conversation, with his voice becoming muffled as he seemed to gasp for breath.

Putin strongly condemned the “destabilising effect of this terrorist regime change narrative”, which he said had led inevitably to violence, condemning what he called the “Soros-led Deep State’s over-reaction” and “typical Western liberal media bias” against Trump’s loyalists. “We know the agenda of these regime change agents all too well,” the Russian leader warned. “Always they talk of ‘freedom’ and ‘democracy’ before sending in the shock troops of the US military-industrial complex to oust beloved leaders and destabilise developing nations like America.”

Vowing to support Trump in his “hour of need”, Putin suggested that the Kremlin’s policy in Syria offers a template to avoid “another dangerous and destabilizing regime change scenario”, adding that a few strategically targeted MiG strikes could take out the Democrat headquarters and other insurgent hotbeds.

*Note: This is satire